Divorce: Is One No Unanimous?

DIvorceGetting a divorce is a hard topic to discuss and every situation is truly a unique experience. As you go through the process of a divorce or the process of deciding whether or not to get a divorce, everyone will have an opinion. Sometimes those opinions are welcomed and other times – well, not so much.

We asked our panel of expert contributors the question, “What if your husband wants a divorce and you don’t?” We received a large variety of answers, from ways to try to save your marriage, to ways you can move on – and everything in between. We will share all these with you throughout this week. Please take what you need to help you with divorce support for your unique situation – and leave what does not apply.

To start the week, let’s discuss the possibility of preventing a divorce from going through. Can you legally stop a divorce from happening? What comes next?

Don’t want to give him a divorce? You may not be able to prevent it.

Unfortunately, in New York, as in many other states, a divorce can be obtained without the consent of the other party. In other words, if the husband files for divorce, stating under oath that the marriage has irretrievably broken down for at least 6 months, there isn’t anything the wife can do to prevent the divorce from happening. Of course, she can contest property, support, and child custody issues, which will delay things, but the divorce will inevitably occur.

Steve Brodsky, Esq., Attorney, Brodsky Law Firm

While ending your marriage is becoming easier to accomplish, each state has their own laws pertaining to divorce. It is best to consult a divorce attorney in the state you live to learn about the divorce process as it will pertain to you.

One No is Unanimous

Divorce comes about because one partner or the other has decided “This doesn’t work for me anymore” whatever the reason, no matter the promises made, and often no matter the consequences. One “No” vote is usually unnanimous in a relationship, whether it be about money, in-laws, or sex, and certainly about divorce – which is not to say minds don’t change.

The “best” advice steps to take are

(1) Ask the leaving spouse if marital counseling will help change minds or at least make the transition more palatable
(2) Seek individual counseling -through an agency, through a church or synagogue or a fee for service therapist
(3) Consult a lawyer and get advice about what’s in store and what options are available (mediation, collaboration, litigation)
(4) Try to remain cordial – hostility will only confirm a spouse’s decsision to leave.

Jerome H. Poliacoff, Ph.D., Psychologist, Jerome H. Poliacoff, Ph.D., P.A.

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