Heal Your Heart through Change
Looking back upon a marriage in turmoil, we can probably name over a dozen things that we would like to change. And those are only the times we can actually recall. There are probably many others buried deep in our hurt. Unfortunately, the only changes we are able to make are our own. We cannot force another person to change and if they are not willing to look at the relationship from both sides of the coin, we can only focus on our side of things.
Today our experts have shared with us some suggestions on how we can own up to our responsibilities pertaining to our couple problems. Learn how doing so can help us determine if these changes are ones worth making, or how they could help us through these difficult times and prepare us for the future.
You can’t force someone, especially in a marriage to stay. If the spouse has reached a point where they want a divorce, then you need to give that person their space. Agree to a trial separation first. Take that time to heal. Get help, support, whatever you need. Take responsibility how your actions may have affected your marriage and see this as a growth opportunity.
We Can Only Change Ourselves
The first step for the wife is to understand the reasons, from the husband perspective, for wanting the divorce. It’s only possible, when the wife can suspend the judgement and resentment and be prepared to accept, regardless of whether she agrees or disagrees, the answers the husband provides. She can ask the husband how or what she can change to save the marriage. If the husband provides a suggestion, the wife has the choice to accept or reject his suggestions. To accept his suggestion the wife has to be sure that it’s the best decision for her and she would like to make this change for herself, not for the husband.
We all have the power to change ourselves in the way that best serves our physical, emotional and spiritual needs. We do not have such power over other people. If the husband does not see a way to repair the marriage, or does not want this process, it’s usually unproductive to “make” them change their mind.
Selected Tips from The Top Ten List for Divorcing Divas
Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. In adverse situations, you always learn who your friends are, and who they aren’t. Leave the ones that are not supportive behind. Embrace the ones that are. Don’t beat yourself up. Instead, ask yourself, “What am I suppose to learn from this marriage, and how might I do things differently?”