Facing the Hard Truth About Divorce

As we explore various methods of what to do when he wants a divorce and you don’t, we have come across a common theme among many of our expert contributors. Even though accepting the demise of your marriage may be the most painful thing you ever have to do, there IS life and happiness on the other side. So, today our experts tell us… to get on with it!

Something might resonate with you in this good cop / bad cop article that inspires you to look inward. Look to yourself and start to nurture the things that make you tick. Learn ways to cope with divorce, get back at your soon-to-be-ex, and come out of it all happier than ever.

Facing the Hard Truth

It takes two to say “I do,” but only one to say “I don’t.” The hard truth is if your husband says he wants a divorce, have some pride and simply say “okay.” Do not try to change his mind, rehash old arguments or start blaming, shaming, demanding answers, begging or trying to force him to stay married–that only makes you look like a weak fool and reinforces his decision to leave.

When faced with this kind of life-changing crisis, our natural inclination is to react to protect ourselves–to do whatever we think will make the pain go away. We might lash out in anger and go on a mission of revenge, or we might try to say, be or do whatever we think could put things back to the way they were when we could tolerate them–it may not have been great, but it didn’t hurt this bad. Whatever the case, don’t.

No matter what he’s done or hasn’t, do your best to behave in a way that you could stand to watch if it showed up on YouTube. That’s the public side, of course, but in your private moments, there will be breakdowns and nobody needs to see those. So, yes, find a great therapist to help you through the process with the goal of coming out the other side better than you ever imagined possible. As my ex-husband said to me when we were divorcing, “You’ll thank me for this one day.” And I did.

Paula Renaye, Tough Love Speaker and Award-Winning Author, The Hardline Self Help Handbook

When One Door Slams Shut, Another Opens

Often an unexpected surprise throws us into reaction mode. We start operating on autopilot and lose track of what we really want. These events, such as an unexpected divorce, are best confronted with a combination of awareness, clarity, compassion and curiosity. Just at the time that your heart wants to slam shut, is exactly the time to bust it open. This doesn’t mean you won’t cry, scream and feel overwhelmed and helpless at times. Of course you might. That is normal. However, this is the perfect time to be very clear about what YOU want in a relationship. Become aware of what you might have learned from this. Be clear about what type of relationships you want in the future, nurture yourself and stay curious about what might be around the next corner! And remember, the more you treat yourself with compassion, respect and love, the more likely you will be to find those qualities in your next relationship.

Dr Laura Ciel, Psychologist, Coach and Change Agent, 1One World Leadership

The Greatest Revenge is Happiness

Disappointment is an opportunity to point yourself in another direction. Divorce can be a win/win situation if it’s handled right. The greatest revenge is to decide to be happy. Then go about making yourself happy. Spend time out in nature, with friends you find nurturing, and discipline yourself to meditate, exercise, keep a journal and start identifying and doing things you enjoy. At the same time, work on forgiving, not only your spouse but yourself for having gotten to where you are. True forgiving is from the heart, not just the head, which is the only way you will be able to move on. Good luck with your new quest to be happy.

Penny Cohen, Transformational Psychotherapist, Relationship Expert, Penny Cohen, LCSW

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